Cut the words. Keep the message.

An email from a company reads:

“At this particular moment in time, we are not currently in a position to provide you with a definitive confirmation regarding whether your application has been successful, but we are hoping to be able to communicate a final decision in approximately seven working days.”

It is 44 words of effort to communicate a rather simple update. In Less Is More, the challenge is to be concise without becoming abrupt or changing the facts.

1. Find the clutter. Identify at least five words or phrases you could remove or shorten.
2. Rewrite the email. Convey the key message in no more than 22 words. Keep the uncertainty and the approximate seven-working-day timeframe.
3. Read both versions aloud. Which version would be easier to understand on a phone call? Why?

Extra challenge: Add a courteous opening or closing, then decide whether it improves the message or adds unnecessary length.